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Post by sunfrog on Jul 25, 2010 16:01:33 GMT -5
I write like Cory Doctorow. Who's that? To see who you write like copy and paste a sample of your writing to this website. www.iwl.me/A used a large sample from my facebook page where I talk about selling my camera on eBay. Bleh- I just read a sample on Amazon, I don't write like that guy. He writes like crap and uses cliches. I hope I never write like that guy. Grr.. I tried it again with different text and it still says I write like that guy. I don't want to write like a guy who writes like crap. Grrr... There, that's better. I wrote something fresh and now it says I write like Chuck Palahniuk, the guy who wrote Fight Club. He writes stupid dialog but it's closer to me I think.
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Post by PigsnieLite on Jul 25, 2010 16:28:45 GMT -5
Website says: I WRITE LIKE MARK TWAIN! Really? Mark Twain, the Great Americun Writur who appeared in STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION? Who knew? Here is the sample I used from my Movie Vault MOST HAUNTED Thread: THE SEANCE!
It wuz Sunday Nighty! Pigsnie had gone out wid one of his mates to buy curtains picked out in cherry & green wid an aqua bullion fringe, so we 6 lads & 2 ladies were TOTALLY ALONE in the house! Now, we could haf decided to have group sex, but for some reason, the idea never occurred to us probably becuz of the realistic 18 inch bust of the Pope which Pigsnie had left inexplicably on the living room mantel. Oh well.
Anyhoo, after a satisfying meal of KFC original recipe, 3 tubs of saucy KFC coleslaw (this wuz the healthy veggie part of our meal), cheezy potato crisps, and the remains of my mamas peach pie, we were laying about, burping on the floor, when Tooly suggested we haf a seance to summon the spirit he knows is attached to Pigsnies samurai sword. At this, our party of twits perked up & demanded that I tell them the story of the dapper japanese gent who has occasionally apparitioned in Pigsnies library, where the sword is kept. I wasnt at all pleased that they wanted to see the sword, but eventually, I gave in and showed them where the Precious Blade is locked up in a glass cabinet, far far away from my grubby fingurs.
Maria (somebodys girlfriend who looks like Sharon Stone if you squint while drinking a shot of tequila) then declared that we should haf the seance becuz she had never been to a seance, and she wanted to see if she could move a table wid the Power of her 3 Gram Mind. So we collected some chairs and gathered them around Pigsnies Pedestal Table and set up the Ouija Board, which I keep for Emergencies in case I want to contact Winston Churchill for advice on how to escape the Boer War.
Tooly then turned off the lights and the library went dark except for the light from the lamposts outside, and 2 fat candles on the table so we could see whut we were Ouijing. Jemmy (son of a Royal marine, but you wouldnt know it from the tattoos on his neck, which features a palm tree & a clam) then began to ask the Usual Stupid Questions one asks of dead people: *Is anyone here? hello hello. We'd like to speak to you! Dont be afraid! We wont hurt you.* (Eh? He's dead!) This went on for a good long while, maybe 10 minutes, when one of the candles blew out. Waaaahhhh! Maria then jumped up wid all the Power of her 3 gram mind and started screaming that she wanted to go home. Idjoot. Eventually, she settles down after patrick relights the candle, but then 2 minutes later, the candle blows out again. WTF! I begin getting a little nervous, but since this is my house and I am a Former Heartless Criminul who has actually graffitid a National Monument, I pretend not to care, and I shout at Maria to cease her wailing becuz the Ouija Board hasnt even done anything yet! Sheeeshhhh.
Where wuz I? Oh yeah, I just said *Sheeeeshhh.* Then I wuz possessed by the spirit of Oscar Hammerstein & began singing in the rain about being 16 going on 17 whilst falling in love wid an 18 yr old Hitler youth. Eck. After a momentary lull during which Maria banished herself to the brightly-lit kitchun to watch the telly & eat all my devilled eggs (**@#*^%#!), we resumed the seance.
Fifteen, 20, 30 minutes passed. NOTHING! Jemmys questions were getting stupider & stupider (Were you on Iwo Jima? Haf you ever slept wid a geisha? Do you like sushi?) when Patrick jumped , and said that someone had grasped his shoulder. Not just touched. GRASPED. Eeeek! In all my years in the house, no ghost had ever grasped ME! WHut if this started a new unpleasant grasping trend? Waaaahhh! Then, a loud BANG came from the glass cabinet where the sword wuz encased, and all of us kidlets sprang up like those skinny naked Greeks at those first Olympics, and ran out of that library as fast as our bandy little legs could carry us. So much for being world famous mediums. Two minutes later, I went back into the library to check if the sword wuz still in the cabinet, and not dripping wid some nameless phantom gore. Fortunately, the sword looked unharmed and i quickly retreated back to the living room where everyone wuz picking up their things and about to leave me alone in the house wid the newly Grasping Sensei. Ughhhhh. I threaten that if my dead body is found the next day wid a tiny japanese handprint burned onto my shoulder, I will haunt them all during their honeymoons. This had the desired effect only on Tooly & Patrick, who were already worried that their sperms might never haf a chance to take a tour of Amsterdam. So I angrily struck the names of my other so-called friends off my will, and think delightedly of how horrid they will feel when they do not inherit my cool new staple gun & my collection of erotic vampire novels.
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Post by PigsnieLite on Jul 25, 2010 16:45:21 GMT -5
WHUT! I posted another lengthy lengthiness from the Tumorous PLite thread and I now write like Margaret Mitchell! Margaret, who has only ever written one book in her life -- something to do wid the Wind, I believe. Eck.
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Post by Avril on Jul 25, 2010 17:19:55 GMT -5
I think the above sample is more like J.D.Salinger. ;D
Very funny, btw.
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Post by Avril on Jul 25, 2010 17:28:02 GMT -5
Well, I just posted an excerpt from Friar Lawrence's opening soliloquy in Romeo and Juiliet which I happen to be learning by heart in case Wombat falls from the truckbed stage in the darkness and I have to understudy.
Pure unadulterated Shakespeare now writes like JANE AUSTEN!!! Who knew?
Hysterical. ;D
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Post by PigsnieLite on Jul 25, 2010 17:31:21 GMT -5
I tested a JD Salinger passage on that website, and it wuz Correct, soor! However, I think my proseyness might be a little more *ornamental* than Salinger, who is rather plain-spoken and a bit dull.
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Post by Avril on Jul 25, 2010 17:31:52 GMT -5
I write like Douglas Adams, apparently. Heehee.
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Post by Avril on Jul 25, 2010 17:32:39 GMT -5
Yes, you're more expostulative, self reflective and lighter than Salinger.
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Post by PigsnieLite on Jul 25, 2010 17:32:57 GMT -5
Well, I just posted an excerpt from Friar Lawrence's opening soliloquy in Romeo and Juiliet which I happen to be learning by heart in case Wombat falls from the truckbed stage in the darkness and I have to understudy. Pure unadulterated Shakespeare now writes like JANE AUSTEN!!! Who knew? At least, the website got the country right! Yarrrr. WHUT! You write like Douglas Adams! Tha should be Me! Ughhhh. I must look at Palahniuk. Ive ever read him. But I dont think anyone out there could ever sound like SUnfroggy.
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Post by Avril on Jul 25, 2010 17:55:01 GMT -5
I might kill myself. The website said I write like Dan Brown. Ohhh noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Avril on Jul 25, 2010 17:57:49 GMT -5
And with yet another piece (science fiction), like Cory Doctorow. Whew.
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Post by Avril on Jul 25, 2010 18:00:18 GMT -5
And another part of the Friar Lawrence speech is apparently James Joyce. Okay, enough nonsense. It's a snare and a delusion to sell a writing course.
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Post by PigsnieLite on Jul 25, 2010 18:05:39 GMT -5
Who is this Cory Doctorow eveyone despises? And thank God, I dont even get a whiff of the Browny.
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Post by Avril on Jul 25, 2010 19:25:29 GMT -5
Who can trust a website that says Shakespeare writes like Jane Austen or James Joyce? (Much as I love their writing...)
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Post by Frito Freddie on Jul 25, 2010 19:54:24 GMT -5
Mine said I write like David Foster Wallace? Who knew Braveheart writes books!
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